Lonely Doesn't Even Begin to Describe it
by DulcetRequiem
Summary: Modern AU/Oneshot(?) In which a suicidal Eren meets a previously suicidal Levi. Ereri if you squint.


A/N: I personally have never dealt with suicide or suicidal thoughts, so apologizes in advance if this is inaccurate or insensitive. Also, I shouldn't have to say this, but suicide is a serious issue that should never be romanticized, and that is not what I am trying to do with this fic. Also, I do not own Attack on Titan. All rights belong to their appropriate owners blah blah

It was a cold a blistery January day; windy, the recent snow iced over, and the result was a day where everything felt lifeless and dull in a gray and uneventful city.

It was on this day that Eren Jaeger lost his job.

It wasn't his fault, not really, but his boss said that they needed to "let him go" because the restaurant had seen better days financially. Even after his boss's reassurance, Eren couldn't help but think that if he was a better waiter, he wouldn't have been the one they fired.

Also, Eren _needed_ that job. It was the second job he lost in three months. Making ends meet when you're a junior in college isn't easy, especially on top of the added stress of maintaining a high GPA so he could keep his scholarship.

It was with such thoughts swirling in his head that Eren dejectedly strolled home. All that's left now is to carry on, search for a new job, keep up his studies, try to control stress levels, and remain sane. His hands were shoved in his pockets, and he stared angrily at the ground, as if it was the ground's fault for his recent misfortune. Eren would have taken public transport, but that would mean paying money, and the young man was willing to do just about anything to save money. That was something he learned growing up with his mother. She was always a frugal woman, and she passed such ideals onto Eren. They never knew the luxury of having a comfortable financial situation.

It was dark out. Eren's shift ended at ten. Most of the city was moving slow. No one wanted to be out in this weather. There were hardly any cars on the street, let alone people. The wind was stinging Eren's cheeks. He lifted a gloved hand to wipe at his face. Was he crying? Shit. He wasn't upset. No way. He just lost his job, yeah, but that doesn't mean he has to cry about it.

_You lost the job because you're a failure. If you weren't such a useless piece of shit, your boss wouldn't have let you go. Now how are you going to pay your rent?_

Eren squeezed his eyes shut.

_Worthless. You always were._

Eren thought about his mom, and how she was always working. Always busy. Always taking care of him. Always so tired. But despite that, she always tried so hard. For what? For him? Why? He wasn't worth it. Look at what he grew up to be. A confused college student who doesn't know what he wants in life, who can't even hold down a simple part-time job, struggling through higher education because he knows if he doesn't then he has no future. But why does he need a future? What can Eren actually achieve from graduating and getting a job? More stress?

What is the point of any of this?

Eren was about twenty minutes away from home now. Still trudging along, his feet carried him over the bridge that connected the residential district to downtown.

Eren will be home soon. He just has to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then he will be in the comfort of his own run-down apartment where he can breakdown without the outside world witnessing.

Like most other parts of the city, the bridge was deserted. A light snow began to fall, and the wind blew it across the road, dusting the already icy pavement.

One foot in front of the other.

Eren stopped about halfway across the bridge. Why did he stop?

_Keep walking. You can do it. You're almost home._

But he didn't keep walking. His body didn't want to. Instead, Eren turned to look at the river below the bridge. It was far below, and even in the darkness Eren could tell that the waters were frigid and dangerous.

He put his hands on the guard rail, enticed by a darkness whispering in his head.

_It's a two hundred foot drop, and that's it. You don't have to worry about money, job, school, your future, or any of that anymore._

Raindrops fell on Eren's gloved hands. No, they weren't raindrops; it was still snowing. They were tears.

Eren was confused. Why was he crying? This would be so easy. He's a worthless waste of a human being after should stop being selfish for a life that doesn't matter and just do it_._

Eren started to hoist himself up so that he was sitting on the rail. Slowly, at first, ever so slowly, but he gained more nerve and was soon sitting on the guard rail, legs swinging over nothing, balancing between life and death.

Just one more push. That's all it would take. All he has to do is remove his hands and fall forward.

Eren wondered if there was an afterlife, if he would meet his mother. That would be nice, to speak to her again.

Tears were streaming freely down his face now. Eren made no move to wipe them away, since in just a few moments his whole body will be covered in water anyway.

_Worthless._

He gripped the rail tight and shut his eyes, bracing himself.

"You don't want do that," a gruff voice cut through the darkness. Eren's eyes shot open and he turned to face the speaker. He was standing under one of the only three working streetlights on the bridge about fifteen feet to Eren's left. He was short, that much was plain, and he had charcoal black hair fashioned in an undercut. His eyes were hard, and from the distance Eren couldn't tell what color they were, but when he met those eyes with his own, it felt like they were bearing into his soul.

"…What?" Eren remembered to speak. His voice was all but a soft whimper.

"I don't know what you were taught in school, kid, but drowning isn't very fun."

Eren forced a dry laugh. "What are you talking about? I'm just sitting here."

The look the stranger gave him in reply told Eren that he didn't believe a word. "Yeah, and I'm just Jesus reincarnate, trying to spread peace and cure cancer." His voice was completely monotone. Eren didn't notice when he took steps, but the stranger was a few feet closer than he was before. "Do yourself a favor and get off of the ledge. You don't want this."

"You…you don't know what I want!" Eren's voice was trembling. Why was it so hard to stop crying?

"Okay, okay, you're right," the stranger put his hands up placatingly. "I _don't_ know what you want. But I _do_ know that whatever it is you want, it can be solved without throwing yourself off of this bridge."

"…How do you know?" Eren looked back over the water, his voice barely audible.

"Because I was in the same situation once. If you're alive, you have a chance to redo things, to change things. You don't get to change anything if you're dead." After every word, he inched closer and closer.

"I…" Eren was confused. What the stranger was saying made sense, and he said he was in the same position once before, so he would know better than anyone, right?

"Step down." He placed a gentle hand on Eren's shoulder. "This isn't the answer."

Eren breathed out. He swung his legs back over the bridge and stood up, but then immediately sank to the ground and hugged his knees and screamed into his jeans, tears flowing like a waterfall. Eren was suddenly filled with a mix of shame and anger.

"I..I…almost k-killed myself!" His voice was muffled by the fabric, but could be heard all the same. "I couldn't even d-do it! How fucking weak am I?"

"That doesn't make you weak, kid." The stranger squatted down next to him. "You almost did, but you didn't. That means you are strong. You saw a reason to step down from that ledge, even when you didn't want to."

The still-nameless stranger's words gave comfort to Eren, and right now he was willing to take comfort from anywhere. He lifted his head slightly and peeked at the man from the corner of his eye, and was surprised to see how sympathetic he looked.

Eren managed to get his voice back under control somewhat. "Why did you stop me? I don't even know you."

"If you saw someone about to off themselves, would you just turn a blind eye and keep walking?"

Eren didn't even need to reply; he knew the answer.

The stranger turned away. "But also…I meant what I said before. Despite what you might think, despite that you feel like you're all alone right now, I know what it feels like. It's completely shitty, and I don't want to see anyone else suffer like that."

Eren's eyes shown with admiration. "Thank you, uh…"

"Levi. My name is Levi. And you, kid?"

"Eren."

"Alright, Eren. Here's what I want you to do."

Levi stood up and offered Eren a hand, which he accepted. "I want you to go home. I want you to go home, have a nice hot bath, shower, whatever, maybe have a cup of tea, and go to sleep." He was staring straight into Eren's eyes, making sure he had his full attention. "I want you to sleep as long as you feel like. Tomorrow, do whatever makes you comfortable. Unless you cut yourself or shit like that." Levi scowled at the thought. "Stay home if you want. Or hang out with friends, whatever keeps your mind occupied. I realize you won't get over this shit overnight, but the little things help. Trust me." His voice softened a little, and Levi's eyes got a distant look to them.

"I…" Eren didn't know what to think. He was seconds away from no longer being among the living just minutes ago, and this stranger comes along and stops him. He owes Levi his life. "Thank you, Levi."

"No need to thank me, brat."

Eren was taken aback. "Wha- brat?"

"Yes, you're a brat. Now, do you have a cell phone?" All previous sentimentality was gone from the shorter man.

"Um, yes?"

"Let me see it."

Eren fished his phone out of his pocket and held it like an offering.

Levi took the small object and started typing at it as he spoke. "Okay, Eren, if what I told you to do doesn't work, or if anything gets too overwhelming, or if you just want to talk, I don't fucking care what the reason is, you will call me." It wasn't a question.

"Uh, okay."

"Say it."

Eren gulped. How had Levi been so sympathetic minutes ago, but now so demanding? He said what was asked of him nevertheless. "I will call you if I need anything."

"Good. Now get home before you get sick. It's fucking freezing out here." Levi turned to leave, but stopped after a few steps and turned his head over his shoulder. "It only gets easier from here. I promise." And then, with no other words, Levi walked off into the night.

Eren stood there and stared at his back as it got smaller, his silhouette shrinking with each step he took. Eren didn't move at all until he could no longer see a trace, and only then did he resume his journey home.

The snow had stopped.

Although Levi helped Eren for the moment, that didn't take away all of his sadness. He still had a long way to go before he could be happy again, but Eren couldn't help but hope that Levi would stand with him every step of the way.

A/N: So what did you think? Comments and feedback are much appreciated; I'm still rather new to publishing my own fanfiction. If I get good feedback, this may turn into a series and not a oneshot. Thank you ^-^

Also, many thanks to HowlingEmber, my editor/beta.


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